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                           general:: 
                            Phrase(s): learn (something) the hard way [and] find (something) out the hard way 
to learn something by experience, especially by an unpleasant experience. (As opposed to learning in school, from reading, etc.)  •  She learned how to make investments the hard way.  •  I wish I didn’t have to learn things the hard way.  •  I found out the hard way that it’s difficult to work and go to school at the same time.
                        
                        
 
                        
                            McGrawhill's American Idioms And Phrasal Verbs